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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The Vogon Poets Society's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Saturday, December 11th, 2010
    1:08 am
    [bee_adoctor]
    double you

    I wander the streets like one who has seldom on occasion enjoyed wandering but chosen due to being ejected from his quarters by a lapse of utility services notice
    to do so
    i see many people also wandering and wonder
    a word which sounds quite like wander
    why they are not at home
    filling out post dinner paperwork?
    the word why
    also starts with w.
    a letter which really
    looks like a double v
    they should change the name
    whether by deed poll
    or statutory declaration
    both legal under laws
    of this great state.

     

    but i digress
    the people wandered
    like cows milling about for sweeter grass
    if cows wore expensive but ill fitting
    shoes.
    cows of course need no shoes
    as they have
    hooves
    which does not rhyme with shoes
    but is close.
    silver oranges
    rhyme with nothing
    but were difficult to find this winter
    due to pesticide regulations making their growth more
    expensive.



    Current Mood: artistic
    Thursday, August 19th, 2010
    10:56 pm
    [vogonapprentice]
    Earth in Peril (again) or Time For A Happy Ending
    Lasers firing, torpedoes flying
    Ships exploding, humans dying
    Earth in peril, never-ending.

    Sky a-blazing, bombs a-dropping
    Bullets whizzing, people running
    Enemy winning, no quarter giving.

    Help needed, heroes wanting
    Fighting spirit, Earth needs saving
    The nick of time, disaster averting.

    Aliens defeated, home re-building
    Peace declared, friends a-making
    Guy gets girl, happy ending.
    Saturday, August 14th, 2010
    9:16 pm
    [vogonapprentice]
    Ode To A Trigger Finger or Life's Too Short
    Master blaster flaming ray gun
    Images of carnage in my brain
    We're only here for a short while
    Why do I want what I can't have?

    Viscous mucous hopping mad
    Running backwards in the rain
    Many times I stubbed my toe
    What the heck keeps getting in the way?

    Messy goo bloody stump
    Life is hard and full of pain
    Round and round we go chasing our tails
    Until the ground swallows us up.

    Current Mood: pensive
    Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
    12:49 pm
    [rob_t_firefly]
    Tuesday
    I sit in a chair
    Which smells a bit like yogurt
    But not any yogurt you'd want
    To eat

    The clock slowly ticks
    Without a ticking noise
    That is because it is
    Digital

    Actually it's not
    So much a yogurt smell
    Perhaps it is more like
    A cheese

    The kind of cheese
    That smells only a bit
    Like
    Yogurt

    Were my chair a left arm
    It would be suffering
    From a badly sprained
    Wrist

    Can I
    Go
    Home
    Now?

    Please?

    Current Mood: listless
    Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
    10:31 pm
    [fozziewriter]
    A Cold Vogon Heart
    It's so cold I can see my cold-hearted air
    and feel my bones creak and ache everywhere
    My car starts up like a horse with TB
    and my glasses are so fogged I cannot see
    I ponder wearing grandpa wear
    So that I can scoot through the day without a care
    It's so cold that people are hoarding all food
    The store shelves are bare
    And if anything is bad, it's my mood
    So sweet dreams to all with woolen covers
    The electric company can gouge even their mothers without a care
    Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
    10:53 pm
    [util]
    Foggy doggy
    Seldom'd seen the dog a day so foggy.
    Standing trees were oft so loggy
    and croaking frogs were oft so froggy
    but the swirling mist, it stayed,
    no matter how loud'r long he bayed.

    Of t'impassive gray grew he a fear;
    on every side he found it near
    and felt its cool in nose and ear.
    But the cloud left'm nowhere to run,
    not a thing to do but wait for sun.

    All at once there was naught but dark.
    Fore eight'd spent t'sun its last spark.
    Laid he down on wet ground and didn't bark.
    The fog began to fall as snow
    and the starlight shown as the last warmth did go.
    Friday, February 15th, 2008
    7:25 pm
    [vogonapprentice]
    Ode on a Vogon urn

    I think I will never see

    A Vogon as beautiful as a flambergasket

    Although Jiminy Cricket was green and small

    Mary Poppins had a broom.

     

    Oil, mud, blood, and doom

    Bombs, bullets, and ray gun blasts

    I suffer through the toil and anguish (ha)

    and laugh while I push the button.

     

    Guts, evisceration, body parts, and more

    I wonder where I left my hat

    The dark of night, the endless fight, and I don't care

    for tomorrow I may not return.

     
    Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
    5:03 pm
    [graceshaker]
    Duck Sauce Hates You.
     Look, look, at the wavy angry sky
    think deep about its wavy-ness.
    Could you pass the duck sauce to 
    me, Jake, and tell me why it doesn't
    like you at all?
    Why the duck sauce makes faces at 
    you, makes you feel so mad?
    I will tell you this: your beard looks 
    like a shnarlacious moldy vegetable.
    And also, your breath smells like goats
    on a vine.
    Even the wavy wavy sky wants to know
    why you smell so goaty, why you are so cruel
    and flaaarping mean to that sauce.
    You are no good for sauce.
    Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
    9:42 pm
    [unopeneddoor]
    My fictional family is so screwed up. *edited over and over, sorry kids*

    Mr. Frump in his iron lung came by to see me one day fine day.
    As I was poisoning pigeons in the park.
    I could not believe the gossip he had to say.

    My sister, Sheena, who was an accountant.
    One day in her office she went off her rocker.
    She's happier now; she's a punk rocker.

    We were all so happy that day on the Nature Trail to Hell in Texas.
    Until my girlfriend moved to Ohio.
    She should come back to Texas.
    I can't think of anything to rhyme with Ohio.

    We had a really good deal on the admission to the Trail.
    It's just two for the price of ten.

    How many songs do you see?Collapse )
    Sunday, February 26th, 2006
    10:33 am
    [beetlebomb]
    Same Poem after Babel Fish Digestion..
    English to Dutch to French back into English..

    Wail van Scam the ooi of mistrhea wants
    O that us of Howe of bloemo Fanny douceâtre
    the pret as the joy of edge I in Fife of nun pHs van
    Fanny of chicken the achterdekse folic recon onion
    of the funny heir widow to the clown jiffies
    for in the middle of the week confirms more more finely
    to save Nana of I colder edible demon vinio nun
    of fern neon of marine in canoe defies nucleon of ink

    Drôlement can oil the cancan truck
    a man a ventilator speed a no rah André
    If obliques the enemy runny anoint Nolan
    in knavish arrow chief of the bath of offer
    achy Aucanoe high ugh ha of R
    knish clean internal organ nix
    nigh omni of soda eiken neon of the envoiijzer
    of zoonscGnu a hoodooolie I whiff

    Whiz the chicken wax addresses
    the whim of the wigs waft why the honk for douceâtre
    the pictogram weighs the quiet horn of fog
    the flower does not renovate to us the mofette
    due is to us now these fish of audio Khz
    duffs us it argument sighs of the this choking mismoedigheidsoh
    of the enemy of wish more indiscreet fog resounds
    how me it quiche foams or of the echo
    of owl of slisfanwood hoggish raised, to him any will not chew
    Friday, February 24th, 2006
    11:41 pm
    [frogger_the_mad]
    Ked of the Skinkkilten
    1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

    2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

    3. Just for fun, run the results through an online translator a couple of times. (I did English to French to German to English)

    Kid woof sardine lash ken ivied five jade
    Badges safe if delft jinn
    Suave herd ked skink kilts: sulfa lead-in noisy
    skids spades aril
    obi busy
    madras demo itch sofa, fiche steak auto
    rexes luau eve aught ascorbic mump

    fish-babeled:
    The Kindrastersardine that the docht ken ivied
    the safe of five Jadeabzeichen,
    if the herd suave of jinn of Delft
    ked of the skinkkilten: the occupied démo of WAD-RACE
    from centrifuges of sulfa
    from cases of loud belt arileingangs itch the sofa,
    Askorbingesicht of mump of rexes of steak of the map
    of luau from Automatikaught of the previous evening

    Current Mood: Florida-bound!
    6:20 pm
    [the_sedgwicks]
    1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

    2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

    1. Self delft
    Ads; Disco
    leafs
    Sufi
    Worm vulvae leafed lagged
    Kosher

    2. ouzo amigo
    ireful Lukas
    pouf
    Aspire alewife
    wear
    Anjou owe Vijay
    InfoBase

    3. afro vows delft
    Stalk floe decoy
    Woeful vial euro
    Doff odium
    Elkhart
    Flaps period
    Visio foil were
    Ova afire; alcove bipods
    Goofy; act weaponry voyage woo
    C van lido
    Saturday, February 25th, 2006
    12:53 am
    [mushroom_maiden]
    1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

    2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton


    Hand jarful dive jug gag
    Duodenum skiff keg, thus
    Fudge bug guff
    He he
    Fig
    Fished python
    Fights Goth
    Aghast frothy Fuji, milkmaid bends
    Overfed fib yam,
    Adverb she.
    Friday, February 24th, 2006
    7:09 am
    [beetlebomb]
    Vogon Poetry Generator
    1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

    2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton





    Scam wail fog rhea o ewe want wash of
    We of Howe flower o fanny wee
    Fun if joy no I rim in fife
    Fowl aft fanny folic pHs nun recon
    Clown jiffies heir funny widow onion for
    Midweek confirm colder nana I vane
    Io nonfood demon nun no fern finer save defy navy neon
    Comic in no ink nucleon canoe can oil

    Camion cancan a man a fan sail no a aslant rah André
    If foe runny anoint Nolan in arrow knavish
    a offer bath achy chef au
    Canoe ugh ha nigh van r knish high
    An hernia nix runic aligns own soda
    oak neon omni an son gnu envoi iron hoodoo oil I
    Whiz whiff wig waft quirk hen wash why honk
    For weigh icon quiet foghorn wee

    Now renew flower we owe non skunk
    We who sigh audio fish kHz duffs
    We feud who echo no dank wish foe
    Nosier droop oh fog
    how I froth quiche or go swish
    Fanwood owl echo high hoggish no chew

    Current Mood: geeky
    Friday, December 9th, 2005
    3:07 pm
    [imp_or]
    Was it somebody from here that got the kudos from the Dilbert Blog?
    (this is free form verse)
    Friday, October 28th, 2005
    8:58 am
    [imp_or]
    don't take me seriously
    da dum da dum
    what's that?
    jaws music
    da dum da dum
    really just feel free
    to ignore me
    da dum da dum
    chomp!
    Friday, September 9th, 2005
    11:54 am
    [imp_or]
    Thank you 4 be in hear
    your fun 2 ab use
    thought is a tool
    set it down
    let it go
    foreign films are
    and domestic
    aren't
    what rhymes with aren't?
    travel will expand the mind
    so
    stay
    in
    the box
    nowhere is the place to be
    eating
    stripey
    rocks
    I have ten thousand miles
    a present for you
    trade me
    all I ask is some glue
    stop a bull from charging
    take away his cards
    stop me now from rhyming
    that's all pards
    Thank you 4 be in hear
    your fun 2 ab use
    Monday, June 27th, 2005
    9:36 pm
    [stabrageous]
    The circus comes to town.


    I found my nightmares realized
    when the circus was in town
    walking down an alleyway;
    confronted with a clown.

    He had giant shoes
    and a ruby red nose
    the terrors behind it
    only god knows

    Although he was smiling
    through a painted on frown
    I knew that he was evil
    and had to be beat down

    So I readied my fisticuffs
    and began a deadly fray
    then the pie flew freely
    with deadly seltzer spray

    and while he was lying there
    and he began to groan
    I knew my foe was vanquished
    just then I ran back home

    Although I am a man of science
    who defies superstitions
    I armed myself with silver bullets
    (in case I meet magicians)
    Saturday, June 25th, 2005
    1:26 pm
    [fozziewriter]
    Stinkin Poetry
    It is so stinking hot
    even the flowers want to rot
    Now I know how the little cakes feel
    baking in the oven just to be a meal
    It's so bloody awful that I can't think straight
    Crabby and sunburned seems to be my fate
    So don't be too hard on this rotten verse
    Or I'll keep on writing, which would be werse.
    Friday, June 24th, 2005
    11:44 pm
    [stabrageous]
    Here are two from my journal

    Aging gracefully


    Welcome to the nursing home:
    Hello grandma, hello gramps.
    Looking for a heart attack?
    try looking in my pants!

    Wrinkles make nice handholds
    and teeth get in the way
    and what is wrong
    with skin no longer soft and pink
    but leathery shades of gray?

    So when my children turn me in
    at the ripe of age of forty
    I'll be the first to organise
    an after bingo orgy.


    Date from the internet.

    Let me to introduce myself:
    I'm man of wealth and taste
    I tried to kiss a girl I knew
    and all I got was mace.

    I told her I'll stab you in the esophogas,
    Just kidding, I'm hung like a rhinocerous?
    please get in the sarcophogas.
    I'm a man of wealth and taste!

    Ignore my pasty piggy face
    Past rotten tooth and crooked brace
    See into my soul, and my true form:
    Does this rag smell like chloroform?
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