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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in The Vogon Poets Society's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, December 11th, 2010
1:08 am
double you

I wander the streets like one who has seldom on occasion enjoyed wandering but chosen due to being ejected from his quarters by a lapse of utility services notice
to do so
i see many people also wandering and wonder
a word which sounds quite like wander
why they are not at home
filling out post dinner paperwork?
the word why
also starts with w.
a letter which really
looks like a double v
they should change the name
whether by deed poll
or statutory declaration
both legal under laws
of this great state.


but i digress
the people wandered
like cows milling about for sweeter grass
if cows wore expensive but ill fitting
cows of course need no shoes
as they have
which does not rhyme with shoes
but is close.
silver oranges
rhyme with nothing
but were difficult to find this winter
due to pesticide regulations making their growth more

Current Mood: artistic
Thursday, August 19th, 2010
10:56 pm
Earth in Peril (again) or Time For A Happy Ending
Lasers firing, torpedoes flying
Ships exploding, humans dying
Earth in peril, never-ending.

Sky a-blazing, bombs a-dropping
Bullets whizzing, people running
Enemy winning, no quarter giving.

Help needed, heroes wanting
Fighting spirit, Earth needs saving
The nick of time, disaster averting.

Aliens defeated, home re-building
Peace declared, friends a-making
Guy gets girl, happy ending.
Saturday, August 14th, 2010
9:16 pm
Ode To A Trigger Finger or Life's Too Short
Master blaster flaming ray gun
Images of carnage in my brain
We're only here for a short while
Why do I want what I can't have?

Viscous mucous hopping mad
Running backwards in the rain
Many times I stubbed my toe
What the heck keeps getting in the way?

Messy goo bloody stump
Life is hard and full of pain
Round and round we go chasing our tails
Until the ground swallows us up.

Current Mood: pensive
Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
12:49 pm
I sit in a chair
Which smells a bit like yogurt
But not any yogurt you'd want
To eat

The clock slowly ticks
Without a ticking noise
That is because it is

Actually it's not
So much a yogurt smell
Perhaps it is more like
A cheese

The kind of cheese
That smells only a bit

Were my chair a left arm
It would be suffering
From a badly sprained

Can I


Current Mood: listless
Wednesday, January 14th, 2009
10:31 pm
A Cold Vogon Heart
It's so cold I can see my cold-hearted air
and feel my bones creak and ache everywhere
My car starts up like a horse with TB
and my glasses are so fogged I cannot see
I ponder wearing grandpa wear
So that I can scoot through the day without a care
It's so cold that people are hoarding all food
The store shelves are bare
And if anything is bad, it's my mood
So sweet dreams to all with woolen covers
The electric company can gouge even their mothers without a care
Wednesday, October 29th, 2008
10:53 pm
Foggy doggy
Seldom'd seen the dog a day so foggy.
Standing trees were oft so loggy
and croaking frogs were oft so froggy
but the swirling mist, it stayed,
no matter how loud'r long he bayed.

Of t'impassive gray grew he a fear;
on every side he found it near
and felt its cool in nose and ear.
But the cloud left'm nowhere to run,
not a thing to do but wait for sun.

All at once there was naught but dark.
Fore eight'd spent t'sun its last spark.
Laid he down on wet ground and didn't bark.
The fog began to fall as snow
and the starlight shown as the last warmth did go.
Friday, February 15th, 2008
7:25 pm
Ode on a Vogon urn

I think I will never see

A Vogon as beautiful as a flambergasket

Although Jiminy Cricket was green and small

Mary Poppins had a broom.


Oil, mud, blood, and doom

Bombs, bullets, and ray gun blasts

I suffer through the toil and anguish (ha)

and laugh while I push the button.


Guts, evisceration, body parts, and more

I wonder where I left my hat

The dark of night, the endless fight, and I don't care

for tomorrow I may not return.

Sunday, September 23rd, 2007
5:03 pm
Duck Sauce Hates You.
 Look, look, at the wavy angry sky
think deep about its wavy-ness.
Could you pass the duck sauce to 
me, Jake, and tell me why it doesn't
like you at all?
Why the duck sauce makes faces at 
you, makes you feel so mad?
I will tell you this: your beard looks 
like a shnarlacious moldy vegetable.
And also, your breath smells like goats
on a vine.
Even the wavy wavy sky wants to know
why you smell so goaty, why you are so cruel
and flaaarping mean to that sauce.
You are no good for sauce.
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
9:42 pm
My fictional family is so screwed up. *edited over and over, sorry kids*

Mr. Frump in his iron lung came by to see me one day fine day.
As I was poisoning pigeons in the park.
I could not believe the gossip he had to say.

My sister, Sheena, who was an accountant.
One day in her office she went off her rocker.
She's happier now; she's a punk rocker.

We were all so happy that day on the Nature Trail to Hell in Texas.
Until my girlfriend moved to Ohio.
She should come back to Texas.
I can't think of anything to rhyme with Ohio.

We had a really good deal on the admission to the Trail.
It's just two for the price of ten.

How many songs do you see?Collapse )
Sunday, February 26th, 2006
10:33 am
Same Poem after Babel Fish Digestion..
English to Dutch to French back into English..

Wail van Scam the ooi of mistrhea wants
O that us of Howe of bloemo Fanny douceâtre
the pret as the joy of edge I in Fife of nun pHs van
Fanny of chicken the achterdekse folic recon onion
of the funny heir widow to the clown jiffies
for in the middle of the week confirms more more finely
to save Nana of I colder edible demon vinio nun
of fern neon of marine in canoe defies nucleon of ink

Drôlement can oil the cancan truck
a man a ventilator speed a no rah André
If obliques the enemy runny anoint Nolan
in knavish arrow chief of the bath of offer
achy Aucanoe high ugh ha of R
knish clean internal organ nix
nigh omni of soda eiken neon of the envoiijzer
of zoonscGnu a hoodooolie I whiff

Whiz the chicken wax addresses
the whim of the wigs waft why the honk for douceâtre
the pictogram weighs the quiet horn of fog
the flower does not renovate to us the mofette
due is to us now these fish of audio Khz
duffs us it argument sighs of the this choking mismoedigheidsoh
of the enemy of wish more indiscreet fog resounds
how me it quiche foams or of the echo
of owl of slisfanwood hoggish raised, to him any will not chew
Friday, February 24th, 2006
11:41 pm
Ked of the Skinkkilten
1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

3. Just for fun, run the results through an online translator a couple of times. (I did English to French to German to English)

Kid woof sardine lash ken ivied five jade
Badges safe if delft jinn
Suave herd ked skink kilts: sulfa lead-in noisy
skids spades aril
obi busy
madras demo itch sofa, fiche steak auto
rexes luau eve aught ascorbic mump

The Kindrastersardine that the docht ken ivied
the safe of five Jadeabzeichen,
if the herd suave of jinn of Delft
ked of the skinkkilten: the occupied démo of WAD-RACE
from centrifuges of sulfa
from cases of loud belt arileingangs itch the sofa,
Askorbingesicht of mump of rexes of steak of the map
of luau from Automatikaught of the previous evening

Current Mood: Florida-bound!
6:20 pm
1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

1. Self delft
Ads; Disco
Worm vulvae leafed lagged

2. ouzo amigo
ireful Lukas
Aspire alewife
Anjou owe Vijay

3. afro vows delft
Stalk floe decoy
Woeful vial euro
Doff odium
Flaps period
Visio foil were
Ova afire; alcove bipods
Goofy; act weaponry voyage woo
C van lido
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
12:53 am
1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

Hand jarful dive jug gag
Duodenum skiff keg, thus
Fudge bug guff
He he
Fished python
Fights Goth
Aghast frothy Fuji, milkmaid bends
Overfed fib yam,
Adverb she.
Friday, February 24th, 2006
7:09 am
Vogon Poetry Generator
1. Using your wordprocessing program, type an entry in complete gibberish.

2. Then use spellcheck to translate it into real words, deleting the ones that have no definiton

Scam wail fog rhea o ewe want wash of
We of Howe flower o fanny wee
Fun if joy no I rim in fife
Fowl aft fanny folic pHs nun recon
Clown jiffies heir funny widow onion for
Midweek confirm colder nana I vane
Io nonfood demon nun no fern finer save defy navy neon
Comic in no ink nucleon canoe can oil

Camion cancan a man a fan sail no a aslant rah André
If foe runny anoint Nolan in arrow knavish
a offer bath achy chef au
Canoe ugh ha nigh van r knish high
An hernia nix runic aligns own soda
oak neon omni an son gnu envoi iron hoodoo oil I
Whiz whiff wig waft quirk hen wash why honk
For weigh icon quiet foghorn wee

Now renew flower we owe non skunk
We who sigh audio fish kHz duffs
We feud who echo no dank wish foe
Nosier droop oh fog
how I froth quiche or go swish
Fanwood owl echo high hoggish no chew

Current Mood: geeky
Friday, December 9th, 2005
3:07 pm
Was it somebody from here that got the kudos from the Dilbert Blog?
(this is free form verse)
Friday, October 28th, 2005
8:58 am
don't take me seriously
da dum da dum
what's that?
jaws music
da dum da dum
really just feel free
to ignore me
da dum da dum
Friday, September 9th, 2005
11:54 am
Thank you 4 be in hear
your fun 2 ab use
thought is a tool
set it down
let it go
foreign films are
and domestic
what rhymes with aren't?
travel will expand the mind
the box
nowhere is the place to be
I have ten thousand miles
a present for you
trade me
all I ask is some glue
stop a bull from charging
take away his cards
stop me now from rhyming
that's all pards
Thank you 4 be in hear
your fun 2 ab use
Monday, June 27th, 2005
9:36 pm
The circus comes to town.

I found my nightmares realized
when the circus was in town
walking down an alleyway;
confronted with a clown.

He had giant shoes
and a ruby red nose
the terrors behind it
only god knows

Although he was smiling
through a painted on frown
I knew that he was evil
and had to be beat down

So I readied my fisticuffs
and began a deadly fray
then the pie flew freely
with deadly seltzer spray

and while he was lying there
and he began to groan
I knew my foe was vanquished
just then I ran back home

Although I am a man of science
who defies superstitions
I armed myself with silver bullets
(in case I meet magicians)
Saturday, June 25th, 2005
1:26 pm
Stinkin Poetry
It is so stinking hot
even the flowers want to rot
Now I know how the little cakes feel
baking in the oven just to be a meal
It's so bloody awful that I can't think straight
Crabby and sunburned seems to be my fate
So don't be too hard on this rotten verse
Or I'll keep on writing, which would be werse.
Friday, June 24th, 2005
11:44 pm
Here are two from my journal

Aging gracefully

Welcome to the nursing home:
Hello grandma, hello gramps.
Looking for a heart attack?
try looking in my pants!

Wrinkles make nice handholds
and teeth get in the way
and what is wrong
with skin no longer soft and pink
but leathery shades of gray?

So when my children turn me in
at the ripe of age of forty
I'll be the first to organise
an after bingo orgy.

Date from the internet.

Let me to introduce myself:
I'm man of wealth and taste
I tried to kiss a girl I knew
and all I got was mace.

I told her I'll stab you in the esophogas,
Just kidding, I'm hung like a rhinocerous?
please get in the sarcophogas.
I'm a man of wealth and taste!

Ignore my pasty piggy face
Past rotten tooth and crooked brace
See into my soul, and my true form:
Does this rag smell like chloroform?
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